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| Barack Obama 2017 |
While perusing the flea-market in Canton Texas, a staffer of MFNS spotted a interesting 2nd hand Time Machine, and managed to trade a pristine, played only once Grand Funk Railroad vinyl album and a badly chipped Hope and Change Coffee Mug for it. After a raucous after- hours office party at MFNS headquarters, the slightly inebriated staffer was convinced to try it out. The intrepid reporter managed to make it into the future and back successfully, and with a copy of the exit interview with the 44th President of the United States two years hence:
Executive Branch Human Resources Dept.
Barack H. Obama - 44th President - Jan 5, 2017:
Barack H. Obama - 44th President - Jan 5, 2017:
What is your main reason for leaving?
"Basically, my failure in both nullifying the 2016 election and ramming through an amendment allowing me a third and fourth term, which I thought was only fair considering all my predecessors were white folks."
Did anything trigger your decision to leave?
"The deadline of January 20, 2017 obviously had a lot to do with it but, getting away from those crazy Republicans and getting Joe Biden out of my hair came in a close second."
What was most satisfying about your job?
"Sleeping late and being the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth......and working in a building big enough to get away from Michelle most of the day."
What was the least satisfying thing about your job?
"Being made fun of by that bully Alex Putin.
Did your job duties turn out to be as you expected?
"A big “n o” on that one. I thought I’d be entertaining celebrities and eating good and setting a legislative agenda to help guide America's future. I didn't expect that I'd spend half my time meeting with foreign leaders and their fat ass wives I never heard of and couldn't understand a word they were saying."
Did you receive adequate training to do your job?
"Well, I never took lessons, but I did play with some of the best golfers in the world"
Did you receive sufficient feedback about your performance?
You kiddin'? Ever listen to talk radio?
Were you able to fulfill your career goals?
"Not really. I always wanted to be a point guard for the Knicks."
What would you change to make your workplace better?
"Close down the House of Representatives and the Supreme Court. Seriously, though, how about shutting down the House and the Supreme Court?"
Did any policies or procedures make your job more difficult?
"Yes, the Constitution often got in the way of what I wanted to accomplish. Also, I wasn't always a big fan of the judicial system."
Would you consider working again for this employer?
"Well, obviously I can’t be President anymore, but I might try and get on at the DMV or something. But after the Ferguson riots, my Health-care reforms being overturned, the Mexicans turning on me and my party....not to mention that little thing with the male intern, I don't think that's going to happen."
Did anyone discriminate against you, harass you or cause hostile working conditions?
"Two words....McConnell and Boehner."
Based on your experience, what do you think it takes to succeed in your position?
"Probably a “coup d’etat.” Am I still allowed to say “coup d’etat”?
What did you like most about your job?
"The private and untraceable Internet connection on Air Force One. Man. you could stream any kind of videos you could want......if you get my drift?"
What did you like least about your job?
"Dealing with that frickin' Netanyahu.... and Putin's damn gay comments on my Facebook page.....and Pelois farting in Leadership meetings all the time....and Harry Reid's nose hairs, and Biden babbling about the squirrels outside on the lawn..."
Mr. President...
.....and Michelle bitchin' about me sneaking a smoke on the terrace... and Boehner drinking up all the oval office booze....and Valerie Jarrett kicking me under the table in cabinet meets....and Barney Frank'snaked pictures in his Christmas cards....and "
Mr. President!
Before leaving, did you consider a transfer?
"Yes, many times I considered transferring Joe Biden."
Do you have any tips or advice to help your replacement?
"Yes! Replace the mattress in the White House residence. Seriously, replace it! If that thing could talk!
Other than that, I think President-Elect Ted Cruz needs no advise from me."
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